Installing a Husband

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


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Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

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This is a genius illustration and of course a hilarious one indeed ..
If I may, I would add the following lines:

Dear Desperate, I think that the Tech Support guy unfortunately and obviously missed, at least, a couple of things.

First, the recommendation is totally irrelevant. Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7, while they seem to speed up the loading time, do not alter the basic features of Husband 1.0.

Second, Husband 1.0 is not a finished non-upgradable OS product, albeit a necessary first step. The Husband 2.0 and later are already available for free. All you (and other versions of Wive) need to do is to keep the automatic update on by signing up to the TrueLove 7.77 limited edition program found in the website onlyGodcanfixmarriage.com.

The website will help you do the house cleaning to your OS, removing all junks, spams, and unnecessary clutters of regretted applications. It will also help you fix and clean the broken registries and will make the processor runs anew. In spite of all these advantages of a system optimization tool, it also offers a free maintenance for the Husband 2.0 so that Husband 2.0 can upgrade itself by developing itself to a higher version (3.0, 4.0, and so on; a dynamic intelligent technology created by "You-Know-Who" (YKW) available only for those who sign up to the program) be free from unwanted virus-loaded malwares, e.g.Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

A bonus for the upgrade, the companion OS, Wife 1.0, will also get a free upgrade. All these great features are only available for those who join the program. The higher upgrade an OS get, the more compatible it is toward its companion. Totally "bloody" guaranteed by the only Son of "YKW".

Remember, these free advantages are free but not cheap. They're only made possible by the generosity of "YKW," who has invested a great deal of a price for the betterment of the two OSs (Wive 1.0 and Husband 1.0) and their next generations.

Cheers ...
An upgraded Husband